he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize