I cannot find my penis.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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