Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize