i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I want to be your penis for a week.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
