He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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