are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
