I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
