this beer tastes like vomit already
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
