So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
