Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
