I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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