I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
cat food counts as protein by the way
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize