now i know why i became what i already was.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
