I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
