fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
