he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
