Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
