dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
