Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
