It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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