she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
