did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
