At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
