Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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