Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
