I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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