she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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