She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
