I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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