Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
