If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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