; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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