New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
