Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So I just went to clothing optional bar
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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