which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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