just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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