I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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