big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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