this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i love accidental penises.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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