Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
