Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize