Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize