Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
