From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
