I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
