I'm pants shitting drunk right now
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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