u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
