you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
