marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
