do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
