'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
