i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The uberlube is also flammable
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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