Duck Duck Cougar?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You smell like stripper and shame
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm experimenting with sincerity
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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