After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
