I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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