1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
