the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
