I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
