Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
