After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
my liver is dry heaving
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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