Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I didn't notice because vodka
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize