if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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