today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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