Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
