I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
