yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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