It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize