Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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