Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
