I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
