Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
