I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
