i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize