my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
