You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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