i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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