I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
