OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
