bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
