No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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