You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
