you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
