we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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