my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize